How To Remove the Generation Gap Between You and Your Teenage/child/chilren.?
Posted: Tuesday, November 15, 2011
by Tania Ashraf
Tani
How to remove the generation gap between you and your teenage child/children"?
"“The best inheritance a parent can give his children is a few minutes of his time each day. (O.A. Batista)
The most common complaint heard from most teenage child/children is that of a GENERATION GAP which seems like a never ending tunnel not ending anywhere and leads no where few arguments, screaming, rudeness, crying and running upstairs to your room after obviously slamming your bedroom door shut and then falling on the bed to cry your heart out, thinking to oneself " no one loves me because no one can understand what I am saying" which of course brings few more fat tears to your beautiful eyes and a red nose to wipe.
Why do teenagers have this notion of thinking "Oh? They will never understand" now what do the teenage club think were their parents born as they are seeing them today, obvious answer is a "NO" then how can one remove this issue of conflicts between their teen child/children and parents/parent. The answer to this war like situation held in every house belongs to different cultures and religion, rich or poor, educated or even the ill-literate class but no one has been able to find a satisfactory answer to this rocket science difference of opinion, parents should from day one when the child is a toddler spend maximum time with your child and this goes for working women as well as house wives even if you are a single parent please don’t feel you are exempted from this task of spending as much time as possible with your child share his stories which might bore you to the core from inside but pay attention even when you are preparing a presentation for tomorrow morning, cooking food for day after tomorrow dinner party or just lazing away put what ever you are doing and spend QUALITY TIME with your child.
Always remember you are the role model for your child/children so be careful of what you say or do in front of a toddler even you will think what can a child grasp at this stage but that is where you are wrong children are great observers and have a mind like a blackboard on which you can write what ever you want but if something wrong is written in the mind of your child will leave a mark forever resulting in rebellious behavior later on which by that time its far too late to mend anything.
Remember your child is one of you your actions and words are going to mold his/her personality either good or bad so why not be careful as if walking on a floor in which a time is fixed not knowing where the bomb is planted just one wrong move and everything gets blown off in a jiffy. This might seem strange and funny to you but when a fight erupts between your spouse go to your bedroom while signaling the other to follow you not to blow his/her head of after having a family try to calm down in matters of arguments between you and your spouse, while controlling your voice and tone make your spouse calm down too by reasoning out with each other and end the issue by either one of you giving away not keeping this in mind that " why should I be the one too give in all the time, why not him"? Yes! It sounds insane but for the sake of your child/children try to make the home environment as normal as possible which does not mean that as rule of thumb a woman should give way try to have solid reasons for your husband to give in now or then, not forgetting to keep the children/child away from the room after reaching to a conclusion come out of the room as normal as possible so that the child does not get uptight at all.
All of this might seem ridiculous to you but trust me it will never fail keeping this as a routine will make your teenager child/children secure and peaceful coming back to the topic become a friend if need be a best friend of the child making him/her share all the good and bad stuff with you in the bad stuff try to explain the child that there is always a time to do everything life will give you ample of time to try everything which you want to right now, keep a check and balance of his/her friends not in a spy like manner but if you feel that the said person is not a good influence on your child/children make up a home made story of a fictitious person who made you suffer when you were young.
This conversation should be made in a man to man level or a woman to woman level reminding the child again and again that he/she has grown up and should know things like sex education, demerits of being a drug addict, cheater, smoker, bully, being not a good student, liar, party animal at a teenage, failing in exams/tests, even being sexually active. All of this must be told to the boy/girl as if talking to an adult and in between asking your child/children do you think I am wrong/ or over reacting?
Include the child in the lecture which is being given he/she should not feel he/she is just being preached at, share your teenage period how you would handle if you were in his/her shoes obviously with solid points. If need be sneak on his/ her things like drawers/ closets /cell phones not to become a spy or something try not to make use of this right of yours ever instead make a habit of your child NEVER EVER TO LIE TO YOU even if it’s a murder that your child committed ( just an example to make you understand).
Most problems occur when lies are being told to parents have healthy discussions on different topics which will make the child confident and will put him/herself at ease with you but mind you all this game of understanding should be balanced with the due respect that parents/parent needs which if need be time out should be given at times also. This time out period should be spent in his/her room thinking not refuting over the quarrel other wise the basic purpose of molding of the child/children's personality will be disturbed.
Try to make the teenager understand his/her fault until its not understood fully the time out is fruitless after some time pay a visit to the child room and discuss what you meant and what was miss-judged. If not tried as yet it's never too late to start by all means start from day one on these lines. In the end discuss everything under the sun with a teenager/teenagers in this way they will take you as a friend who is never going to give wrong advise to his/her own flesh and blood at least as far as I think these steps taken will if not fully will be partially able to remove the stigma of the known " generation gap" what do you think?
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